My Story As a Compulsive Gambler
Hello, my name is Geoff, and I am a compulsive gambler and my last bet was May 7th, 2023. My "drug" of choice was sports betting. I started gambling late 2020 - 2021 after seeing so many commercials and ads about sportsbooks. I enjoyed watching sports and figured why not watch and try to win some money while watching. It took the fun out of watching sports enough that to this day, I cannot watch sports or look at scores anymore. Every time I saw a post online or a score of some game, I started getting urges. At the time, I did not think this would be a problem, gamble a few bucks here and there, nothing excessive. But that’s how any addiction starts. I started during the NBA finals bubble, this then led to American football, soccer, tennis and other sports later in 2021. I was living at home with my mom, sister and girlfriend at the time and working full time in a field that we were considered essential, so I thought I had money, even though I should have been saving it for the future. I did not think my betting would amount to much and I would be able to control myself. NEWSFLASH: I could not control myself. I let the compulsive behavior take control and went way overboard. I was using (gambling) upwards of 5-6x weekly, hours at a time, before and after work. There were days I would stay up late or wake up early to watch or follow games overseas. While in my heavy usage time, of course I did not see that as a problem but in retrospect, I considered myself a degenerate gambler.
During this time, I was applying to a professional program, while working 10-12 hours a day. I brought work home with me most days and felt, not quite burnt out, but fried. I applied for 3 cycles and got denied by all six programs each cycle. An outright denial. I kept it in and just said "eh, there is always next year". Deep down, I was sad and upset which eventually led to depression. I seemed fine on the outside, always had a smile on my face, pushed all worries away and did not think about my problems. On the inside, the total opposite. I felt miserable, dejected and discouraged, my life was over because all my dreams, everything I worked for the last 10 + years went down the drain. During that time, I felt the only thing I wanted to do when I got home was sit down on the couch, put on whatever sport was on during that time and just gamble. Trying to win any amount of money possible would make me happy because it meant I would have more money to gamble later. As a compulsive gambler, my favorite bet was always the next one because of the possibility of it winning and being the one that put me on top. The curses of being an optimist (we'll talk more about optimism and how it relates to gambling in a later blog). It was never like that, and I eventually continued to chase my losses.
During my heavier use, I started to bet well above my means, this led to more chasing. I chased long enough to get into insurmountable debt. Enough debt, I was considering filing for bankruptcy. Eventually, I let the depression take over me. I just kept doing what I thought at the time was going to give me some kind of joy, seeing green check marks when I won a bet (not often). To the gambling brain, that was our happy place. Whenever we saw a green check mark next to our bets or at a casino’s sportsbook, placing a check next to a bet ticket, it increased the amount of dopamine in our brains and of course, we thought we could win more. So, what did we do? We increased our wager and bet more, thinking we had a hot hand. But in the end, the sportsbook won, they always win. That should be the first rule for anyone who is currently gambling whether it be at a casino or online, THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS. When you learn that, getting away from this horrible habit makes it easier.
My biggest regret in life was hiding my illness from the woman I loved the most, my best friend. She knew I gambled but not to the extent I was using. When she asked, I always hid the amount because I was ashamed and did not want her to think less of me. I hid more than that. I hid how I felt from being denied, rejected, unwished for, unwelcomed, not wanted. Maybe had I talked with her how I was feeling and how I was medicating that illness, things would be different? Instead, I froze, said I do not know what I plan to do and just let it go. THAT’S NOT THE WAY TO HANDLE THIS KIND OF ISSUE. I wanted her to think I knew what I was doing. The last thing I wanted was for her to worry about our future. She eventually left me, which can be seen both ways (good and bad). If we were still together, would I have told myself I have a problem and need to change it? Maybe, but maybe not. Losing her and our cat was my rock bottom. But rock bottom does not always have to be a bad thing. When we hit rock bottom we give over our control of hopelessness and helplessness and realize we have a problem that needs to be fixed. Eventually we try to dig ourselves out of the rubble that we have against our back and try to move forward being a better person. Not everyone hits rock bottom. Most will continue to medicate themselves with the same issues thinking it is not a bad thing. DO NOT BE THAT PERSON! If you need to, allow yourself to hit rock bottom, dust yourself off, give yourself a few days or weeks, then make some goals and crush them.
If your situation is or was like mine, talk to your partner. Tell them what Is going on in your mind, devise a plan on how you are going to control your life. This might be the biggest fight you will ever have in your relationship but if they still want to be there by your side, make a change for the better, for yourself, and your future. If they do not choose you, life is not over. Move on. Get better. Make better choices. Build better habits. Put in work daily to get to a place in life you feel content and want to live.
If you have debt, work with a financial advisor or financial coach to see how you can attack this debt head on and regain control of your finances. Worse case, file for bankruptcy and start with a clean slate. (Not a financial guide, please talk to financial experts on these cases).
My aim in creating this blog site is to help get the word out on gambling addiction and problem gambling. I plan on posting blogs MWFs starting end of August, beginning of September, on a wide variety of topics regarding problem gambling. My target audience with this blog site is those that know they have a problem and are willing to work on making the necessary changes to give themselves a better life. The idea behind “Winning Daily” came from a youtube comment i saw while watching a Ted Talk on gambling addiction “the day you quit, is the day you start winning”. As of today, I am 99 days sober and plan to never look back.
IT GETS BETTER. One day at a time.
My advice for those who want to change:
Delete the sportsbook apps.
Forever, do not re-download
Self-exclude yourself.
Asking a gambling venue to exclude you from the venue or a gambling activity offered by the venue.
Lifetime ban, if not the maximum years
If you have a loved one, they will be affected by it in some way, come clean to them what you are doing. If it gets pushed back and not talked about, It could be worse in the future.
Gambling addiction is one of the most secretive addictions out there, stop hiding from your loved one and tell them EVERYTHING
Attend a GA meeting (online or in person)
https://gamblersanonymous.org/ga/
Find a therapist that specializes in addiction.
Therapy was honestly one of the best things i started doing, getting professional help is one of the strongest things any person can do to want to get better in life
Make better habits
Hit the gym
Watch what you're feeding your mind
Nutrition
Social media
Books
YT videos
Read books
Learn about the gambling addiction
When you learn enough and change your mindset, you will eventually understand why you started in the first place. There are often underlying issues that contribute to gambling addiction.
If sports gambling is the main culprit, STOP WATCHING SPORTS
Watching sports for us compulsive sports bettors is the gateway drug.
Delete all sports apps
Unfollow all sports teams and fan pages from social media
Give control of your finances to a trusted person
For gamblers, seeing money in a bank account could increase the risk of gambling, thinking we could turn that $100 in the account to $1k is not the right mindset to have.
If you have a line of credit, cut up your credit cards, close the accounts.
