Opening up about Gambling Addiction: The Importance of Honesty in Relationships

Today would have been our fourth year anniversary. So, I figured it would be as good of a time as ever to talk about relationships and gambling addiction. I am not doing this to get some pity from others. I gambled with the money I DID NOT have. I HID the truth and LIED to my best friend, the love of my life, the woman of my dreams about my gambling, how much I was gambling and about my gambling addiction. Our relationship, which had way more great memories than bad times, ended because of MY issues. Therefore, I wanted to write about this to help others who are in similar situations as I was a few months ago. You can take this blog as a bible (please don’t) or with a grain of salt (maybe a few grains). Whatever you do, please learn from my past mistakes so you do not make the same or you might just end up in the same situation.

In every healthy and loving relationship, honesty is the bedrock upon which trust is built. However, there are certain topics that can be particularly difficult to broach with a significant other, and one of these is a gambling addiction. The fear of judgment, shame and potential consequences can make it tempting to keep such a problem hidden. Nevertheless, we will explore the reasons why it is essential to be open and honest with your significant other about your gambling addiction.  

Strengthening Trust:

Trust is the foundation of any strong and lasting relationship. Being open about our gambling addiction, even when it is difficult, demonstrates your commitment to transparency and honesty. When your partner knows that you trust them enough to share your struggles, it can strengthen the trust and bond between you, which can bring you two closer together. 

Building a strong support system: 

Dealing with a gambling addiction can be an overwhelming and isolating experience. By confiding in your significant other, you open the door to building a support system. Your partner can offer emotional support, encouragement, and help you find resources to address your addiction. 

Avoiding deception and betrayal:

Hiding a gambling addiction often leads to deception and betrayal, as it may necessitate lies, secrecy and financial manipulation. These actions can erode trust and cause significant harm to your relationship. By being open and honest from the beginning, you can avoid damaging consequences. The more open and honest about your problems the better. Be as transparent as possible with your close friends and family to avoid deception and betrayal.

Encouraging open communication:

Opening up about your gambling addiction sets a precedent for open and honest communication in your relationship. It sends the message that both partners can trust each other with their vulnerabilities and seek help together when facing challenges. This can make for healthier and resilient relationships overall.

Rebuilding together:

Overcoming a gambling addiction is a challenging process, but it is one that can be more manageable with the support and understanding of your significant other. When you face this issue together, you can rebuild your life and relationship, creating a strong, healthier and happier future.

When it comes to talking with your significant other about these issues, here is a list of what you should do: 

 1. Choose the right time and place: Timing Is crucial when discussing sensitive topics such as an addiction. Find a quiet, private setting where you both can focus and be present with each other without distractions. This creates an environment conducive to having an open and honest discussion

2.     Be prepared: Educate yourself about gambling addiction and the impact it has had on your life. Be prepared to explain your struggle and your plan for recovery. When you are prepared, it allows for you to answer any questions they might have about your problems 

3.     Express your feelings: share your emotions honestly. Explain how your addiction has affected you physically, emotionally, and financially. Your partner should understand the gravity of the situation. Avoid having the conversation during periods of high stress or anger, as those periods can cloud judgement and hinder productive communication.

4.     Listen Actively: Encourage your significant other to share their feelings, concerns, and questions. This conversation is a two-way street, and they may have their worries and fears to express. 

5.     Offer a plan: Show that you are committed to overcoming your addiction by outlining a concrete plan for recovery. Prove to them you want to take recovery seriously. This might involve seeking professional help, attending support groups or setting financial boundaries. 

6.     Seek Professional help: Do not hesitate to involve a therapist, counselor or support group in your recovery process. These resources can provide guidance and structure for both you and your partner. 

What not to do: 

1. Avoid blame: Do not point fingers or blame your significant other for your actions. They did not force you to do any of the gambling. Instead, focus on your actions and responsibility in dealing with the problem. 

2. Downplay the issue: Minimizing the severity of your gambling addiction can lead to misunderstanding and mistrust. Be honest about the extent of the problem. This is a very serious issue, if taken lightly can also lead to relapse which can then lead to losing the trust of your significant other and the ruin of your relationship. 

3. Make promises you cannot keep: Do not make grand promises about quitting gambling without a realistic plan in place. Your partner needs to see your commitment through consistent actions, not just words. Words do not mean jack squat unless there is action. Make a plan to recover and keep that plan.

4. Expect immediate understanding: Understand that your partner may need time to process the information and may react with shock, anger or confusion. Be patient and allow them space to react. 

5. Sit and do nothing: which Is exactly what I did. Do not push this off. It is a very serious matter that if you do not show you are willing to make an attempt at changing, THEY WILL LEAVE. IF YOU LOVE YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER AND WANT THEM TO STAY BY YOUR SIDE THROUGH EVERYTHING DO NOT SIT AND DO NOTHING. Otherwise, they will leave.

It is possible they choose not to be with you. If they leave: 

1. Respect their decision: It is essential to respect their choice, even if it is painful. Trying to force them to stay might not be in their best interest or yours. You cannot force someone to stay with you. Relationships are a two-way street. If one person puts more work into it than the other, it will not work out.

2. Focus on your recovery: Use this time to focus on your recovery and personal growth. Seek the support of friends, family or a therapist through this difficult time. Keep your support group close as you cannot simply do this recovery process on your own. 

3. Learn from previous experience: Reflect on the situation and use it as an opportunity for personal growth. Understand how your addiction affected the relationship and work on improving yourself. 

If after you have told them about your gambling addiction and they are still with you, congratulations. You had probably one of the most difficult conversations you will ever have with your significant other. Time to start this new life with them, leaving the demons in the past. You were given another chance to prove you can and will change to keep them in your life. Spend every waking hour you can with them. Replace the time you would gamble at the casino or on your phone with them. Take them out on dates, watch holiday movies, volunteer at shelters or soup kitchens and show them off to the world that you get another chance to make things right with them. Be present in every moment with them. Once you become open and honest about your struggles, life will get better. One day at a time.